Just say it!

Forgiveness can be a difficult thing. But what may be even more difficult is being the one to say you're sorry first. Especially, shortly after an event has occurred. Especially, if the other person was actively involved in the hurtful event. The Word says that we should not let the sun go down while still angry. Meaning it is better to resolve an issue quickly, in the same day. This is true since time can cause more damage in the way of bitterness and resentment. This is when it is so hard to let pride down and just say it--sorry. Finding compassion may be our lives' mission. The whole issue doesn't need to be rehashed. You can tell that by the first event. Trying to rehash it would be considered insanity; doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Insanity. Look it up. Yeah, crazy! Don't be suprised if it doesn't go as well as planned. Some people are not receptive to apologies. Y'know the type that always have to have the last word. Yeah, them. It can get ugly if both are of this sort! (I confess, I was one) They'll probably say something and, that may be hurtful too. Still, press on. Only a few words are needed--I am sorry. Don't invest yourself in anger, it's not a good thing. Say you're sorry if you can, and mean it. Then let it lay. You said what you needed to. You did what you came to do. You came, you said, you conquered! That's all you need to know. Let them do their thing. Blah, blah, blah. You may have to try letting it go in one ear and out the other. Those who have learned this technique early in life have a special ability that comes in handy at this point. Others will have to suck it up for peace sake. After time, you'll learn to deal. Know that you did your part to restore peace. This is empowering, do it for yourself and your health. This idea isn't new but, obviously, not everyone participates. It really is a better way to go. It seems often when there's an argument, what seems to be the problem might not really be the problem anyway, there may be an underlying issue. So, arguing about whatever the trial arguement was about may be truly fruitless anyway. A particular event, word, or something triggered the event. It may take more time to get to the source of that issue. And, that calls for love and caution to work it out. But, ultimately, seeking peace is best for all. Peace.

What's up?

What's going on in your head when you look at me? What are you thinking? Your eyes, they're so deep, so dark, so mysterious. I wonder what's going on behind them. Are you thinking of me or something else? Are you trying to communicate to me or, are you just watching, waiting? Hmmm. I wonder. I love you lots. Do you know that? Hmmm. I'm not sure you understand me. Sometimes you do things that make me think that you understand. Other times, you just sit there. What do you think about when stare out the window? Do you see something I don't see? Do you hear something I don't hear? Just curious. What's going on in your world, from your perspective? Hmmm. I wish you would say something to me...dog.

Not Just For Politicians

What is it with people who avoid answering the questions they were asked? Do they realize what they are doing? Why can't they simply answer the question and just be done with it? Are they not hearing my words? Maybe, I will say it another way. Still no avail. Okay, I will word it another way. Wow! This question is not really that difficult a question and can only be worded so many ways. I will have to emphasize that I am asking a question, point the question out, and ask them to answer this specific question and hope this will do the trick. Should I add, please? Oh no! Such work to just get some frivolous information. It isn't even about anything potentially scandalous. I wonder if it is even worth the hassle. Probably not. On top of the fact that my particular question went unanswered for some time, I was also subjected to listening to the person go on and on about something related to the situation but not what I was looking to hear about. My question only requested a yes or no answer. Should I cut them off or, do I stand here and listen to this? What are the rules of etiquitte on this issue? Where do my boundaries come in? Must I subject myself to listening to all this stuff?

Not Just Window Shopping

I went to the grocery store this evening. I had to pick up some of the favs. Not being of the rush-in and rush-out sort, I took my time. I went here and there and back again. Hoping to remember all that I wanted before I checked out. I even got to sample Boar's Head, my favorite deli meat. For me, it's Boar's Head all the way. Mmmm, yummy! Next, I decided to take a trip down the frozen-food aisle. I do purchase and appreciate frozen vegetable items picked at the peak of ripeness and frozen for our convienience. However, as I was window shopping, I had roamed down to the prepared, frozen-food section. I found myself captivated by the photos on the packages. Hmmm, that looks good. Oh, and that does too. What's that there? I thought. It was a minute before I realized what was going on. Oh, the deception! I was being sucked in by the marketing. I soon remembered how eating a prepared, frozen-food item had me feeling just nights earlier. Falling for the whole picture on the packaging thing could be the death of me! (Not really, but it sounded perfect here for the dramatics of this story). What am I doing here? Why am I looking at this stuff and even considering it again? I have seen Food, Inc. I must stop the insanity! I will not fall for the perfect pictures of the prepared food packages. I will not fall for the perfect pictures of the prepared food packages. I will not fall for the perfect pictures of the prepared food packages! I'm outta here!

How Did I End Up Here?

Just admit it, living with someone else isn't easy. It doesn't matter if the person is a sibling, a friend, a relative, or a lover. The potential towards annoyance is there regardless. I'm sure there's times when people do things intentionally to get at the other. But, realistically, there's times when they're probably not doing the annoying things on purpose. Giving them the benefit of the doubt is meant for sanity sake. For real. Face it, that's just the way they do their thing. I admit, at times, it can really seem as though what they're doing seems selfish and it does get on your nerves. What we feel is real, and our feelings are valid. If we don't like something another is doing, we just don't like it. But again, most likely, that's just them doing their thing. Simple as that. And, that sucks. What can you say? If you complain then it seems like you're being the selfish one, expecting everyone to conform to your ways! There are things you do your way, and then, there are things they do their way, the two shall converge. Yes, annoying activities go both ways. Just as one can brighten up another's day, another can also drag another's mood down. Somehow, we must learn to live in harmony together. Ultimately, one will have to give. Much will go unsaid, for the sake of maintaining peace. Strength is needed to not blow a fuse! I've had the learning experience of living in many different scenarios. By far, the most difficult has been going back to living with a parent who is now elderly and needs assistance. The floor can be made of many more eggshells than could've been thought up at the start of this endeavor. This makes for an even more stressful situation to live in on a daily basis. Finding ways to deal with this stress has found it's way to the forefront. At this point, there are many things I don't like that I'll have to just deal with. There's not much room for negotiating and discussing things with my particular roomate. Already I have learned that would only add to the stress level more than rectify anything. For now, I will have to man up. I made the choice to do this thing, let's do it.

Don't Feel So Good

Ugh! What did I eat? I tried some prepackaged, frozen stuff tonight and it isn't sitting well with me. With regret I think, why did I eat that? I let myself off the hook, telling myself, how would I have known that was going to make me feel sick to my stomach? Needless to say, I won't be purchasing that product again. I try to sleep it off but, I keep waking. I lay this way, I lay that way. I sit up, I lay back down. Nah, that's not working. I try self-massage and acupressure points which works some. Being somewhat propped up and laying on the left side helps too. I need something more though. Time goes by. I try to tell myself, I feel good. But, I don't believe it! Not being one to resort quickly to medication, I finally decide on some tasty milk of magnesia. I make the trek to the medicine cabinet. Oh no! There's only a drop left! I shake out what I can and take that less-than-recommended dose in. Relax. I try to get my mind off it but, it's not working. Maybe, I should get up. Maybe, the computer will distract me, get my mind off it. Maybe, the warmth of the laptop on my stomach will simulate a hot-water bottle and soothe my condition. So, here I am writing about it! So much for getting my mind off of it. Wow, there's some interesting advice for nausea on the Internet. One site even recommends putting onions slices in your armpits! Gotta love it. I don't think I'll be trying that one tonight. Many of these remedies are things that need to be prepared for in advance. Hey, when you're feeling good, you're probably not thinking about stocking up for the next nauseous experience. At least, I'm not. I'll probably forget all about this episode by the next time I'm at the store. Or, feeling so much better, I'll put off bothering to buy any necessary related products. Hence, the reason I have no milk of magnesia! As I'm writing this though, something happens. I have a revelation--an aha moment! I'm starting to feel better as I'm writing about it. And then, I recall the idea of living in the moment, allowing, facing my circumstance and no longer resisting it. Resistance is what causes more difficulty. Once I started to stop resisting my condition I started to feel better. Ha, imagine that.

Stop @ Cumby's

Cumby's is an interesting place to stop. In one moment, there may be all kinds of things going on. People coming in, people going out, people quietly converging around the coffee dispenser for their caffeine fix. At different times of day, there are different types and numbers of people. Everyone goes to Cumby's, the man in the suit to the woman with her pajamas still on. One curious site was 2 women preparing their coffee, dressed with leather jackets and their sunglasses on early in the morning. I don't think they were famous and the fluorescent lights weren't really that bright. Hmm. What were they up to? I thought. Another day, an older man was diggin' in the trash and scanning intensely all around the building. "Does that guy need something to eat," I asked the store attendant. "Ah, no he's just looking for scratch tickets." She said nonchalantly, as if it was a common occurrence. Speaking of scratch tickets, wow, someone is getting rich off of them around here. Many times I wait patiently to make my purchase behind someone who is carefully selecting out their tickets from the lot Cumby's has to choose from. And, although the cashiers I asked said a few big winners have scored here, I'm thinking more is spent than paid out. The other nite someone actually crashed into the Cumby's sign out front, coming from direction of the intersection. How the heck did that happen? Accidents are always strange. Here, there's good times, there's bad times. Sometimes someone is telling another all about their life's drama, right there loud enough for others to hear, complete with F-bombs. Other times, it seems as though a happy reunion has just taken place. Cumby's is a place to consider dropping in if in need of a coffee, some smokes, or some scratch tickets. I stop for a cheap soda--a chill zone! Having cut way back on the stuff, I will occasionally indulge. All in all, out of all the convenience stores, this particular Cumby's has some of the best staff I've ever experienced in a convenience store. I must say, I love it.

Hey Sunny

On a cold day, love for the sun wells up within me. Warmth is appreciated, welcomed. Warmer days are to come, it's inevitable. All I need is patience. The coming of the seasons hasn't failed. And, winter does have much to offer--a chance for renewal physically and energetically. Also, it brings fascinating scenes of falling snowflakes, we then witness beautiful landscapes covered with sparkling white snow. Momentarily, there's a quietness in that. Then, people find themselves back to their routines, even involved in activities like skiing, sledding, or shoveling. Creativity presents itself, snow men pop up here and there. Some people have the liberty to take off like birds flying south for a specific climate which holds them over until it's warm enough for their return. Some call them snowbirds. Duty to something or choice keeps others here. The cold reminds me of my attraction to the warmer weather months. I reminisce. This is when the gift of memory can serve us well. Transport yourself through thought. With closed eyes, travel through time to moments spent laying on the beach bathed in the warmth of the sun's rays. Recall the pleasure of feeling the swirling ocean waters. Visualize the methodical movement of the water dancing upon the earth's surface. And, remember, it's the time spent through the winter that brings appreciation of these warmer times. It teaches that hope pans out. Faith in the seasons fulfills.

Trashed Again

O.K. What's the deal here? Why, I ask? I find my yard has been on the receiving end of someone's lack of environmental consciousness. I've been hit in another trash drive-by occurence. Gross, the thought of picking it up again displeases me. I can't stand to see it just laying there. I'm at war within myself. I should pick it up. Ah, but I don't want to touch it. I think, I will get it next time I walk by. What kind of person would continue to throw their trash out each time they drive through here? The evidence leads me to believe it's a repeat offender. It is often the same thing. Who is this person? What goes on in their head as they commit such acts? Do I know them? I dislike the detraction from natural beauty that littering brings. What if I covertly hide in the bushes, waiting for the right moment to throw the dirty, spit bottle back at the culprit, in hopes it would hit them in the head knocking some sense into them. What a crazy thought! I don't know who it is. And, I'm not willing to invest the time to find out. Who doesn't want to contribute to keeping this place beautiful. They mustn't care. Because if they did, they would never throw their trash out so carelessly, so thoughtlessly, in the first place. I wonder, what type of up-bringing would lead to such behavior? Isn't everyone told not to litter? Where's the blip in their socializing? For now, I let it lay. But as I do, day by day, its presence bothers me. I finally found solace in the snow as it gently covered the litter site; only to be reminded of it once again as the sun melted away its veil. It seems, as I leave it lay, no more trash is thrown. This has been going on for years. The past says, once I pick it up another piece will appear. Is this coincidence, some sort of test?

Lost and Found: Shoe

What's going on with the lone shoe by the roadside. Does some person finally say to themselves, "these shoes suck but, I'm only gonna throw out one though." Is this act symbolic of how people hold onto bad relationships? Or, does it equate to how we have such troubles in letting go of the past? I've always wondered about the case of the missing shoe. Let's call it--the other one. Where is it? Is it further up the road? Or, has it been left behind somewhere? Will these two shoes ever meet up again? And if so, would it ever be the same? Will its memory ever cross the mind of the person who once possessed it ever again? What was going on that fateful day, when the owner of these shoes had had enough to the point of tossing one aside in such a manner. And, why did they choose this spot to do so? Why does it seem to always be on one of life's main roads that this event happens? What were the circumstances amid such tragedy. Was it an amicable split or was it a terrible, brutal scene? The ugly truth of it remains that for the moment the chances of a new life have been cut dramatically. Confidence has been lost. Maybe, even trust has fallen by the wayside. Wholeness may never be felt again now that the relationship has been severed. Maybe, this is often why the lone shoe looks so helpless, tired, even worn out. You hardly ever see a stiletto or even a dress shoe. It seems to more often be a loafer or a sneaker. Rarely, do we ever see a glimpse of any expensive designer labels like Jimmy Choo stranded in such a way. Do these factors have anything to do with the lone shoe's demise? Maybe. I must be the only one on earth who has considered such a plight. Ah, I think not. There must be others I tell myself. Certainly, I'm not alone in the world in my pondering. And, maybe I'm even a part of a collective consciousness hoping to pick up that fallen lone shoe and help it to find some new purpose, new perspective, a renewed attitude or, even, a better place to spend the remainder of its days. All is not lost, only part.